These Are The Things I Will Fight For...

These are just some random pictures from my collection, but they do remind me why I like to take pictures.

Freedom isn't free, and I'm not talking about whether or not I support our troops or the unjust wars we are fighting in the Middle East.  I'm talking about personal freedom.  So many of us accept various forms of slavery without thinking twice.  I got to thinking about this yesterday when everyone was complaining about "Mondays" on facebook.  I realize that most people are just trying to make conversation--see my entry from last week about poor communication.  In my head if you whine every time you get ready for work, then there is something seriously wrong.  Either you are a perpetual whiner and have no place in polite society, or your job is a soul sucking chore from hell.  Work, by it's very nature is generally hard; but if you honestly hate it and your heart is not in it, going to it everyday that makes you no better than a prostitute.

I love the bible verses from Matthew 5:14-16 "Ye are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.  Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."  Even if you are not a Christian, you can agree with this sentiment.  If you've got something good to give, and you don't share it, you've committed quite a crime indeed.  Enter the sticky part of this situation: 

I have a crappy job, so I can't share my love of ________ with my friends and neighbors.  I have to go to my job because somebody has to pay the bills.  ________ won't pay the bills, and no one else will either.  My life sucks and it's all because I've got these responsibilities. 

WRONG

I have no patience for victims and whiners.  My pity well ran dry years ago.  I have no tolerance for people who believe that they cannot do better.  We all have something valid and valuable to contribute to this world, and in your heart of hearts you know without a doubt what it is--stop telling it to shut up.  Not sharing it is selfish and greedy.  Maybe you are the best drywaller this world has ever seen, to not make walls for a living is a crime my friend.  Maybe you understand the sanitation business better than anyone else, to spend your days doing anything else is a waste (pun intended).  We are not all Doctors and Scientists, but we all have something we were born to be good at.  Someday, you will have to answer for not using your talents and time wisely. 

"But Richens I gots the bills to pay, and this guy will pay me the monies if I just show up everyday and not bitch to loudly..."  May I present to you the slavery of debt?  Maybe it's debt you had no choice but to take on at the time (I've got some myself), or maybe it's a bunch of crap you bought to look cool (I used to have some of that too).  Either way you've got these "bills" to pay.  Powerful people are not allowed to purchase other human beings outright anymore, there's laws against it.  However, they can loan you money, and once they do that, they do essentially own you.  I'm not talking to you about your jerk of a boss, he doesn't own you neither does your banker.  The guy who gave you the loan to buy your tricked out Pinto Wagon does.  Capital One owns you every time you use their card to buy a tasty pair of shoes.  GMAC owns you until you pay your house off.  Avoid debt, and avoid bondage my friend.  Then you don't get trapped at a job you hate with a pig-beast of a boss, just so you can service your bills.

You're already there, I know.  I have been too.  Sometimes, yes, you have to gut it out at a mediocre/terrible job to make ends meet.  Don't let it become a lifestyle.  This brings us back to Freedom isn't free.  Get your house in order, release yourself from the bondage of debt, make the sacrifices necessary to pursue your life's work (do what you love and the money will come).  Most of all have a plan and don't be a whiner.  Nobody likes the guy who has spent his entire useful life working at something he hates until he has become a bitter nasty old man with nothing to show for it.  Certainly nobody wants to be that guy.  Angry young men are sexy, but nobody likes a bitter old bastard.

Much Too Much

I don't have a picture today, but I have a lot on my mind.

I find myself right on the edge of insanity lately.  I'm as busy as I want to be, but not so busy I'm feeling pressure from that.  I love teaching guitar lessons and taking pictures for people.  That's working pretty good.  What is really eating at me is a little hard to define, but I'll take a stab at it because I think it is on a lot of other people's minds too.

I'm having a lot of trouble communicating with people anymore.  Almost like everyone else is shooting bullets and I'm throwing them.  Not in that I can't write a coherent sentence, or call/text someone on the phone, visit with my friends/family, send an email, update my facebook status, or make an entry in my blog, but more in the sense that I don't feel like I'm connecting at all.  People acknowledge that I'm speaking, but I don't think they hear what I am saying.  By the same token, people are talking at me all day, and I can't tell if I'm supposed to take the stuff coming out of their mouths seriously.

I don't think it's because our "smart phones are making us dumber," or that social networking has made us lonely and isolated.  You don't get to blame things on your parents or the public school system (aka, the donkey corral) either.  I'm sure some of you have heard me say that when everyone else is the problem, the problem is most likely you.  This is where I am at.  I've decided the problem must be me.

I do try to make a conscious effort to really listen when people are talking to me (at least I think I do).  I try not to judge what people are saying, but all I have to understand it with are my own experiences.  I try not to fix their problems either--that's a good way to lose friends and create enemies.  When I speak I try to be direct without being hurtful, and I'm working on keeping my mouth shut.  It's a process.

However, I'm inclined to think that this problem isn't all me.  I can't take all of the responsibility for everyone else's poor communication skills, lack of self esteem and emotional immaturity.  I can't fix it either and it's starting to wear on me.  I like solutions, even if they are hard, time consuming and costly.  So far, I haven't found an acceptable fix for this that doesn't involve cake uranium.

The main reason it gets to me is that I can't run away from it.  I try to play my guitar to relieve the pressure, but it just gets faster and angrier until my fingers bleed.  I try to take abstract or nature pictures, but I lack focus and all of this negative energy will not create anything satisfactory.  I write, and by the time I'm done with this particular piece I will be wound so tight that sleeping pills and pain killers are only going to take a little of the edge off.  I find some solace in my religion, but people are the problem and going to church tends exacerbate my frustration.  I love music, but it doesn't help, it only confirms my worst fears.  Exercise is something I do so I won't get any fatter, period--I don't get a high from doing it.  Anti-depressants haven't worked either, so don't suggest it, and rose colored glasses (hiding it under a rug) give me headaches.  Also, I don't drink anymore, I've never done illicit drugs, or ones I didn't have a prescription for (though I'm starting to see their appeal), and I don't sleep around.

So where does this leave me?  Hell if I know.  Am I a hateful embittered mess?  No, I love individual people and I like helping them; I actually do have the option to be a recluse and not interact with anyone and I've chosen not to.  I guess sometimes you just get tired of fighting the good fight, and maybe that's where I'm at now.  I'm tired and I'm losing it.  Will I get a second wind?  Probably.  Should I get to have online rants about it, yeah, I think we all have that right otherwise the interweb really would just be a large conduit for porn.

What I'm Doing For Summer Vacation

Most adults who aren't teachers don't get Summer Vacation.  I do, in a sense, I guess, even though summer is the busiest time of year for me.  I've got photo shoots almost daily right now, and since I started doing weddings that keeps me doubly busy.  I've let my blogs go, and honestly I don't feel too bad about it.  They are mostly for me anyway.  I was in the middle of a list before I took a break.  My heart wasn't in it, and the list was pretty redundant so I'm abandoning it.

Summers are unbelievably short in the BV.  This one didn't really start until the last week of June.  My spidey senses tell me that we will have an early fall too, I'm guessing it will be full on fall by the first or second week of September.  Which means I will have roughly 2 months of actual summer.  I'm making the most of it by taking lots of pictures--most of them are for clients, so I don't post them publicly.

I have been experimenting with my camera, which is loads of fun.  I did a bokeh project, and tonight I think I'll try painting with light.  It's a little too overcast for star shots right now, but I've got some of those planned in the near future.  For those of you just getting into photography, this is a great website:  http://www.diyphotography.net/  It focuses on using what you've got at hand rather than elaborate photoshop tutorials.  Photoshop is a valuable tool no doubt, but if you don't know how to use light and your camera no amount of digital editing can make up for that.  For example:

There are no photoshop effects in this picture.  These pansies are really those colors :)  The stars in the background (you have to click on the image to see them) come from a bokeh filter I made myself and a regular lawn sprinkler.  I did crop this picture, and remove a fly from the background, that is it.

I've been asked several times by people just starting out what camera to get.  I say if you are not already a pro, get yourself a Canon Rebel (they have one to suit any budget), and the best lens you can afford.  The EFS 50mm II is a great starter lens, and you can pick one up for around $100.  If you've been shooting for a while and you want to know what camera will knock your socks off, get a Canon 5D Mark II.  If you are currently using $10 bills to wipe your butt with, get a Hasselblad.  Next, take lots and lots of pictures.

Sometimes it helps to have a photography buddy.  I'm always up for a safari :)