The End of Penny...

I have gotten off track on my 30 Days of Penny, mostly because I've got to round up some pictures.  I've got a lot of prep to do this week for other things, and other blogs, but I will have a grand finale sort of bit for this on Friday.  I've got something in mind, and I don't it to be something I threw together at the last minute just to stay on a schedule that only exists on the world wide web.  It's been a fun project, and I feel that I should probably put a little effort into it.

Day 26 of Penny

This is me when I was seven or eight.  My Aunt Charlyn took this picture, when we were playing in the snow at Mt. Charleston.

You know, I suppose there are quite a few people out there who genuinely don't like me.  I'm not afraid to speak up when something obvious needs to be said, and other than the occasional revealing blog entry I keep most of my communication pretty superficial.  There's more than one person I've unintentionally burned by not being completely open with them, but still saying exactly what I think.  So do I think the community I live in perceives me as nice person, I'm going to go with probably not.

At a glance, I suppose I blend in with the crowd pretty well.  I don't have anything particularly stand out about my appearance.  I'm not particularly fashionable, my house is just a house, and my truck is just another vehicle.  So I would guess that unless someone actually talks to me, I'm quite forgettable.

On the flip side.  When people really need someone to talk to, they usually open up to me.  Even people I don't normally pal around with.  I think that is because I'll be honest with them about their feelings, but not tear them down.  When something hard needs to be done, I'm the cavalry and I don't expect to get a pat on the back.  All in all, despite everything mentioned above, I have a good circle of friends.  I think it is because people who do take the time to find what I'm about learn that I'm genuine and loyal, even though I'm about as cuddly as a hedge hog.

Day 25 of Penny

Ten Things I'd like to do before I die, broken down into 5 Categories.  There is no particular order to these, not one that I must do any more than any other.

 International Travel:

1.  The UK and Europe

2.  Japan

 Personal & Family:

3.  Have kids, I'm open to adoption

4.  Get back to my ideal weight and stay within 10lbs of it

 Hikes:

5.  The Grand Canyon

6.  Summit King's Peak

 Monetary/Financial:

7.  Amass $2,000,000.  I believe you can live quite comfortably on 2M if it is invested and managed correctly

8.  Get completely out of debt and then pay cash for everything

Day Dreams and Silly Things:
9.  Have a pet Burro, that I will name Sanchez
10.  Learn to make really good homemade pie

Day 24 of Penny

You know, I'm pretty luck to live where I do. Even though people get bored and gossip, for the most part they take care of each other. Most acts of kindness aren't really all that random. I have one neighbor who helps everybody else get the snow out of theirs first before he finishes his. When someone here has a major medical problem the whole community pitches in to make sure they have enough money to cover it. Recently we had two different men have terrible medical struggles and the community got together and donated goods and services for an auction and dinner fund raiser for them. Over $40,000 was raised in one evening. This, from a community of around 5000 people total. You can't drive anywhere without someone smiling and waving at you, and you can't help but smile and wave back. I guess it's that whole thing about cold hand and warm hearts.

Day 23 of Penny

Hehe, the last thing that made me cry? I think you'll remember from a previous post that I'm neither graceful nor beautiful. I don't know that it's crying in the classical sense, but I tear up quite regularly over smashed toes, turned ankles, minor burns, cuts, and scraps.

Well, the last thing that made me cry was smashing my pinky toe. I was getting a drink of water, Radnar was pestering me, I tried to avoid him, tripped over him any way and smacked my toe into the corner of the wall in the kitchen. This happens so often that I'm not really sure that my pinky toes have joints or toenails anymore. I have no idea how many times they have been broken, but it's been a lot. The more it happens the more it hurts, so now my eyes immediately tear up and I can barely catch my breath.

I know what some of you are thinking "Pen, have you been tested for MS?" yes, yes I have. I don't have it. I'm just incredibly clumsy. If there's coffee table, I will run into it (I don't have a coffee table). If I've got a kitchen knife in my hand and I turn to talk to you, there is a good chance I'm going to accidentally stab myself in some way. This is another reason I don't own a lot of high heels. I own a lot of shoes, but fancy shoes do not make the ranks very often. I have a pair of 5/10 trekking shoes. They are a hybrid of climbing shoes, hiking boots, and sneakers. They have a very wide foot bed and excellent traction, and when I wear them they keep me from injuring myself. I'm seriously thinking of investing in Chacos and some of those toe training shoes to try and build up the strength in my feet and ankles.

Day 22 of Penny

Some people would argue that cats are not real pets. You don't really own a cat, a cat does what it wants. This is true. If you want a low maintenance pet, that doesn't really require a lot from you, then cats are perfect.

I have two feline companions, because together they make one good pet. Radnar, the orange tabby is my favorite. I got Malcom who is his brother and litter mate, because I thought Radnar should have a buddy to play with. They have full names; Randar Vesuvius Danger-Kitty, and Malcom Murderface, Murderface, Murderface. Congratulations if you understood the pop-culture references.

Malcom is a sensitive loving soul. He is a super-mouser and prefers to spend most of his time down by the river hunting and performing black opps. He likes to make small talk and even though he is a rather large cat (12 lbs) he has a tiny little voice. Kind of like Mike Tyson. His tail looks like it belongs on a Raccoon, and he has very large green eyes. He likes to touch your face, and will try to lick your nose or clean your finger/toe nails when you are not paying attention. I love him to pieces, but he drives me nuts.

Radnar is a man of leisure. However, when you get out his favorite toy he will jump and do back flips. The little guy has hops and can clear the couch when properly motivated. His bone structure is smaller than Malcom's, yet he out weighs him by 2 lbs. He's built like a stripy brick outhouse. Rad's favorite thing to do is sit in my living room window and watch stuff. He likes to hang out in my office with me while I'm trading, and when I have guitar students over he lays on the couch and watches them play. When he is feeling frisky he runs drills to work on his Cat-Fu He also has beautiful green eyes, but closes them every time I take his picture.

They are my buddies. Raym is really only home about 10 days a month, so I spend a lot of down time in the evenings with my cats. I watch Top Gear and they run Cat-Fu drills and have MMA fights in the living room. It's rainy outside today and Mal sprained his leg, so they are shedding all over my couch. I vacuum a lot.

It's cool though, for the amount of effort I put into my cat relationship I get high returns in awesomely bad cat behavior. The run on top of the house at night. Mal broke into the house last summer and woke us up at 4am to let us know there was a hole in the window screen in our living room. Radnar has an ongoing turf war with the Yorkie next door. I'm pretty sure Malcom slaughtered an old stray cat on our lawn mafia style a couple of months ago. He came in that morning and in his tiny little monotone basically said "Um, Mom, I totally killed a guy on the front lawn. He was eating my cat food and peeing on my stuff. Um, Haters don't be playin me. Where's the cat chow?"

They both have girlfriend cats (they are fixed, so it's cool), and they invite them over sometimes. There was one meowing on the back porch last summer and Rad was like "Let'er in mom, she's with me." So I did, and they all watched a movie together while I did laundry. Mal's girlfriend looks exactly like him, only she has a white tip on the end of her tail, and I think she's a little bossy."

As you have probably seen, my cats go on road trips with me. They love to hang out with my folks, even thought they don't much care for the two hour drive to their house. I get some pretty funny looks when people see a large orange cat stretched out on the dash of my pick-up. Malcom, of course, complains the whole time and gets into things.

Bottom line. I think everybody should have a pet. I love dogs, and horses too, and someday when we move "out of town" I will have a whole menagerie. I do plan on having a "normal" family someday, and I think kids should get to grow up on a farm. I'd like to have some Watusi and Longhorn Cows and some pigs too. And Chickens, you can't not have chickens--you've seen the ones with Afros? And peacocks, and....

Day 21 of Penny

I actually think this topic is pretty funny. How did I get my scars? Well fortunately for me, none of my physical scars are tied up into anything emotionally painful. I have many talents, and I am something of a renaissance woman, but grace and beauty did not make the list. As a person, I am more of a blunt instrument. I have three major scars, and I'll share them and their stories in chronological order.

1. Birth=There is a 1/2 inch long scar above my left eyebrow. When I was born apparently I had some kind of bone grown there when I was a baby. This doesn't seem important now, but it will come into play later.

2. 12 years old=On my left shin I have a 3x1/2 inch scar about 4 inches below my knee cap. I was riding a barrel horse practicing the clover leaf pattern at 4-H. I was really pushing myself, but my horse wasn't into it. On the third barrel, she cut it too close and the lip of the barrel caught my shin and basically filleted the skin and pants right off of it. It was pretty horrible when it first happened, the whole first layer of skin was gone from my knee to just above my ankle in about a 2 inch wide strip. In the spot that is scarred, the skin and flesh were missing all the way down to the bone. It still hurts when I bump it into things--which happens a lot. However, for as nasty as the initial injury was I count myself lucky. People usually don't notice it unless I point it out.

3. 12 years old, 2 weeks later=There is a 1/2 inch pencil thin scar above my left eyebrow. I had twisted my ankle jumping on the tramp and I was on crutches. My cousins talked me into a game of softball. I tried batting with my crutch, which promptly broke, flipped around and smacked me above my left eye in the exact same spot that I already had a scar. It hurt like crazy, and acted like it would never stop bleeding. In the end it wasn't very deep and it was just a flesh wound. It sort of made the scar worse though.

4. 17 years old=There is a 1/2 inch crescent shaped scar sort of above my left boob, from where a dog bit me. I honestly don't think there is much too it, but it has gotten a lot of notice over the years. Probably more because I spent a lot of time in shop class rather than the fact that the scar is impressive. Allow me to explain. I've never been one for ultra revealing clothing, but if you've got it you should show it off a little. It's a gift from God, so enjoy it right? Anyway, I often wore little t-shirts, nothing that was like "Hey look at my rack," but cute little t-shirts. I was wearing one in shop, and my friend, Kevin, was 'a little high' and he was just staring at me like I had grown a third arm or something. I finally said "What is your deal Kevin," and he turned bright red and started giggling and stoner -slurred out "You've got a scar on your boob!" "It looks like somebody bit you or something." "It's f---ing awesome!" How do was I even to respond to that? From that day forward it kind of took on a life of it's own, separate from mine. I occasionally still catch people looking at it, and that only cracks me up.

Day 20 of Penny

Je Regrette...

I'm human, I have regrets. However, I believe that harboring regrets is a wasted exercise. Due to past mistakes and learning experiences I have the following principals or policies:

• Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut
• Walk away when you can, fight fairly with when you can't
• When it's serious, absolutely no name calling
• Always pack sunscreen and chap stick
• You can survive on Marshmallow Mateys and pizza delivery, but it's not really living
• Good quality, comfortable shoes will get you pretty far in life
• There is no such thing as free services or goods--EVER
• Sugar coating yourself for others is never a good idea
• Always leave the crowd wanting more
• Pray first, and when all else fails, pray again

Day 18 & 19 of Penny

There are lots of wonderful and inspiring quotes out there to live your life by, and you could pick a different one everyday with no problem. The ones I really enjoy though are given by people I actually know, the kind of one liner that can be applied many times over and still be awesome. Sometimes they are an inside joke, and sometimes they are funny no matter who you are. I will share a few with you, enjoy.

"Actually, it's a Chevy" Given by my cousin Clinton when he was four years old, and I asked him if he rode over to our house in his dad's work truck. This one comes in handy more often than you'd think.

"...With sand" (make a pounding motion with your fist). JD Flitner, not sure when, not sure why. We use it in conjunction with anything that sucks. There is a bit more to it, it's pretty much a mono-log, but if you were going to use it correctly and discretely you would say something like "The transfer case went bad on my pick-up. Six States charged me $2200 with sand to fix it."

"Grandma, did you cut that with a Sawzall? Lon Pritchard, during one of grandma's many remodeling projects gone awry. It can be used whenever someone has done a sub-par job. What's funny is that it has caught on in the Bridger Valley, and I heard someone unrelated to me or the incident say it the other day. Solid Gold.

"And then somebody died or something" Jaycee Felkins age 4, as part of a story about her day at the dinner table. Now whenever someone in my family is telling a story and we realize it is boring to everyone around us we will add "And then somebody died or something."

I think the best one comes from an old cowboy I know, Marty Watkins. The roof of his barn had just blown off, and it was no surprise to anyone. It had been going to happen for decades, and Marty is the kind of guy who doesn't fix something until it's broke, and doesn't get very excited about it when it does break. He just looks around and says "Well, I guess we'll have to do like the Indians did...without."

On a side note, I do have a picture of me from 10 years ago, and I do want to share it. I am having struggles with my scanner, so it will be at a later date. I'll probably add all of the pictures that I am supposed to share in an album of sorts at the end of this exercise.

Day 17 of Penny

When I feel sad, this is my go to show on YouTube. Pete & Pete was not the most popular show of all time, but it was cool. Not only that, but my brother was a little bit like Little Pete. It was so indie and offbeat, how could you not like it? Well, I suppose there were lots of people who didn't like it. I still maintain that this is the most genius programing available.

Day 16 of Penny

I have been dreading and anticipating this for 16 Days; and even though this is a little early I have the strength right now and I think I can do this without going berserk. A letter to someone who hurt me recently. I haven't allowed anyone to hurt me in a very, very long time. I might get upset, and angry, but it passes quickly with no real personal damage. I warn you this is going to get very ugly and very personal. I feel like I need to do it to get over it, and I think it might help several of my readers too. You don't have to read it if you don't want to, I'm not going to be censoring anything.

Dear Grandma Pat,

I don't know if I should thank you or kill you with words. I can, you know, kill someone with words. You taught me how. My earliest memory of you is you telling me you would throw me out the window of the truck because I was crying. I know I was to young to understand what was going on, I don't know why I was crying before you started to say this, but I know why I was crying afterwards. You bitch! I could not have been more than 3 or 4. Who says that shit to a little kid? You were mean enough that I believed you, I remember that.

I should also point out that there were not many permanent things in my life. Because my mom cared enough about me to send me to church, I was being taught that family was the most important thing a person can have. For the most part, my family is amazing, I have a huge network of people who are very dear to my heart. So, because I cared about you because you were my family, I allowed myself to care what you thought. You used to pit me against my cousins and other family members. So and so is really good at this, they are amazing (I refuse to use their names, because you were manipulating them too), but you never had any praise for me. I did really well in school because I liked it. We're talking straight A's here. You never noticed. I was weak and stupid and you never missed a chance to let me know this.

I got in my first "girl fight" around 3rd or 4th grade, I don't really remember much about it, but I remember the girl ended up changing schools, and that I didn't get caught. Things snow balled after that. I got meaner and meaner, and I could manipulate other students, teachers, and kids in my neighborhood pretty well. They put me in the Gifted Class at school because I don't think they really knew what to do with me otherwise. By the time I moved to Wyoming, I had a pretty nasty-sweet little routine. You dropped of the face of the planet doing God-Knows-What, and I entered a period of my life where I was running the show and things didn't seem too bad. You occasionally got your digs in, and had succeeded in alienating me from all of my Pritchard family. You taught me not to care about people or what they thought about me.

Then came Grandpa's Cancer. This taught me what hell is going to be like. It felt like you honestly enjoyed this. You got to lord information over all of us, and used it like sparks in an already too dry forest. My dad and his brother and sister where obviously very distraught and emotionally spent. You worked this as often as you could to start battles over who cared the most, and who should inherit what, and to drive Aunt Sis even further away and into addiction. The whole time Grandpa was on oxygen because he was dying of lung cancer, you smoked. Hell, I think you smoked more because you though it might kill him more quickly, or more painfully, or who freaking knows what goes on in your head. When it was finally over, I thought maybe the hold you had on us finally broke. That maybe my dad would just walk away from the perpetual train wreck of his family and we could move on. We did for a while.

I'll never forget the day I learned you would be moving to Fort Bridger. I was stupid and young enough to think that I could have a relationship with you. I was going to church and trying to be a better person. I knew I needed to stop bullying and manipulating people around me. I had learned that general nastiness and a mean right hook were not solving any of my problems. It only took you a couple weeks to prove me wrong. You somehow insinuated yourself into my social scene. You were manipulating people I knew--let's not kid ourselves, you were buying beer and Lord knows what else for my buddies. I didn't realize how out of hand this got until one of my friends let me know that you were trying to bribe him to go out with me. I laughed it off, and split the cash with him.

I had a pretty nasty little spiral and things got all jagged and rough edged for a while. You lost control though, shortly after this you had your first heart attack. It was a little too late in coming for me. I let you screw with my mind again, and I had cut off ties with all my normal nice friends, broke up with the incredibly nice guy I was dating by screaming at him that he "Was the most boring pain in the ass I'd ever met!" in the hallway just before 3 hour. I'll never forget how sad he looked just before 4th hour when he asked me if we were still going out and I laughed in his face and said "What do you think dumbass?" I then went on an attention getting spree that really climaxed my Senior Year of high school. I treated people terribly, I used and hurt some of my very best friends, learned to abuse alcohol and others, and I finally figured out how to get to you. I cut you and The Family out of my life. My relationship with my dad is strained and awkward to this day.

After bottoming out one night, I sort of cleaned up a little when I moved away from home. I got married, to a nice guy, by accident (I won't get into the details or reasoning of this, but I think it may be the only thing that saves me). I ignored you, and was able to cut you almost completely out of my life until you had the courtesy of getting cancer yourself. I knew you were going to die. I was even a little bit giddy thinking about it. For as long as I could remember I would look in the mirror at my face searching for anything that might resemble you; hoping to God I wouldn't find anything, and loathing anything I thought did. Finally you were going to be gone, and I was going to be free.

I got my brother out of school, and drove down to Sanpete to see you one last time. I don't know what I thought I'd get from that. You were completely high, and drinking a beer in your underware when we showed up. Aunt Sis greeted us at the door (which was the most shocking thing that happened that day). She promptly disappeared, which is like a super power she has developed over the years. We chit chatted, you couldn't really remember who Seth was, and then you passed out and we left. Two weeks later you did go ahead and die.

I thought maybe then I'd get my shit together and put the past behind me. After all you taught me that love was a trap, and anyone who knew you cared about them could use that against you. It wasn't working, and I was loosing my grip on things. Then for reasons known only to God and Aunt Sis, she turned up at my folks house and declared she was ready to get clean. Damned if she didn't do it too.

I learned a lot about mental illness and addiction. I learned we have a long and sordid history of Bi-Polar Disorder, Addiction, and Manic Depression; at least on your side of the family. Alcoholism is strong on both sides. This was maybe the most freeing thing that ever happened to me. I learned that a lot of the shit you put us through over the years was not even really under you control. Sure, you might have been eccentric and mean in your own right, but a lot of it was the mental illness. You were so far gone, and for so long that you were too crazy to know right from wrong. I learned how to recognize what was going on with myself and how to control it a little.

I was at a crossroads in a lot of ways as this point. I realized that I had nothing and no one to get back at for all the angry wasted years. For one, you were dead. For another thing, I could not reconcile punishing someone who was not in control of themselves. Because of my beliefs about life after death, and what happens in the time in between that, I believe things have probably changed dramatically for you. I pray you are making the most of it, pretty often actually.

I've taken control of who I am because of this. I have tried to right a lot of the wrongs I have committed over the years. I quit blaming outside forces for the way I feel. I've gotten my faith back. Most of all, I've started caring about others and letting them into my life with no strings attached. Because of that I forgive you. Completely. I have forgiven all the others who were manipulated by you that have hurt me. I'm thankful that in a way you gave me a thick skin, and the ability to not be hurt (or shocked) by people and the things they do.

Formally, and forever I forgive you. You can't and won't hurt me or us anymore. After this purge, I hope I think about it even less. Someday I hope to forget. My kids will never know about any of the ugliness. I'm not passing it on. I will teach them what I know about what I call "Keeping Your Head Clean," and that getting treated for mental issues is not embarrassing in anyway.

With Love,

Penny

Day 15 of Penny

I've been on a fruit roll-up kick lately. They are Berry Berry Cool. None of the other things that I've eaten today would photograph well, and I don't plan on eating anything awesome later. I do love Greek Gods Yogurt, and I'm thinking that I'll have some of that and some blackberries later.

There is a two part reason that I am a colossal fat ass these days. 1. I have had a roller coaster year with my health, and I was on steroids for months. 2. When I'm stressed out I eat like a pig trying to make weight for fair. Work and health issues stressed me out like crazy and frankly I was a little depressed too.

Lately, I've not been hungry much and I don't eat a whole lot when I am hungry. I think I've got a handle on my health, and I've eliminated the stress of my Benedict's job. I did not realize how much that was mentally weighing on me until I left. I feel like a different person, and I really like me. I'm starting a Fat Packing regiment as soon as the weather breaks. Hiking is a great way to loose weight. I plan to combine it with healthier food choices and I think that by my birthday in September I should be back to my ideal weight.

Day 14 of Penny

The most fascinating person I have ever met? Well, I don't know who that is honestly, but I do get a kick out of the Dos Equis commercials. They remind me of my friend JD.

If I'm honest, I try to remember small details and little things about everyone I meet. You never know when these things will become important, and it gives interest and depth to your relationships. I'm the kind of person who remembers how my friends and acquaintances order food and drinks. I pay attention to the types of shoes they wear, and I soak up any details people tell me about their lives. Where was their favorite place to play growing up, what is their favorite song? Do they love or hate sea mammals? Do they like fry sauce, and if they do, do they like it with pickle bits in it?

I don't have a whole lot of preferences when it comes right down to it, but I do like to see other people happy. I like to try and give objective observations when people ask me, and advice if they want it. I'm not necessarily a chameleon, but I'm the most neutral color you've ever seen (really look at a picture of me, I'm mostly beige). I have friends from all walks of life, and I take pride in actually knowing real things about them. I may be terrible with names, but I can remember whether or not you are an AC/DC fan.

I suppose this is how I learned to fit in and cope with moving a lot. I'm fascinated by the world and people around me, and I want to be a part of it. Usually a minor background role, but part of it none the less. Ask me a minute detail of your life, if we've ever actually hung out, I can probably answer it.

Day 13 of Penny

Day 13 = 5 Men I Find Attractive

Rockers of course! I believe that if you care going to have a crush on someone you have no intention of ever actually meeting they should not only be hot, but also have some kind of super power. The following guys are hot because they are amazing at what they do, and some of them actually are hot too. There are many, many more rockers that I find attractive, but these are the ones that made the short list. Click on the charts to see the hotness breakdown.

Tom Morello, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, Lead Guitar

Tom Morello just plays the guitar in the same way that Picaso just paints. Sure he's a little nerdy looking, and he is way into liberal activist movements. This can be overlooked because when he picks up a guitar, magic happens. I don't think its all drugs either, the man is brilliant and that makes him super hot.

Chris Cornell, Soundgarden, Audioslave, Lead Vocals

As you can see from the Chart Data on Chris Cornell, he has a very balanced hotness that makes him a total package rocker. If you've ever seen him perform it is like he is baring his soul on stage in an almost religious way. Very, very hot.

Tre Cool, Green Day, Drummer

Tre Cool is the guy you hook-up with and pretend not to know the next day. He is an amazing drummer, and for that alone he is hot. I'm afraid he is way too popular with tweens and young teenage girls, and that is why I would not own up to being with him. Also, he seems to suffer from a severe case of ADD and he has a lot of money. So, he'd be the kind of guy that bought a baby giraffe and then tried to bring it home in his Bentley Flying Spur. Physically attractive, mental repellent, totally doable, so not a long term relationship, probably followed by an ugly period of text messaging and freaky voice mails.

James Hetfield, Metallica, Lead Vocals, Rhythm Guitar

James Hetfield is a bad romance waiting to happen. He is a Rock God, he is a car guy, and he has this gravely dirty quality about him that you can't quite put your finger on, but it is incredibly hot. James is not necessarily a good looking man, in fact he's a little white trash. I still dig it, and if you ever listen to Metallica late at night with the lights off, you will want him too.

Jimmy Page Circa 1972, Yard Birds, Led Zeppelin, Lead Guitar

I have seen his named spelled both ways on the internet, and could not find my Led Zeppelin Album cover to see which was correct. You might not care, but I did. Anyhow, British Rocker, master of his craft, Satan Worshiper. He's a freak, with a brit accent. It's hot no matter how you slice it, but you would need a time machine to hook-up with him. He's a washed up nasty old man now, and while he is still talented, I wouldn't get with him currently.

Day 12 of Penny

I felt that my highs and lows would be best presented in graph form. As you can see last February and March sucked, I was in and out of the hospital with my Chrone's Disease. I got on new medicine and things improved greatly over the summer months. October came and brought with it Hunting Season which is a total pain in the ass, and brought on extra stress and frustration at work. Things improved with the holidays, but I was sick an awful lot which kept the numbers from reaching normal ranges. That ladies and gents, are the highs and lows of my last year.

Day 11 of Penny

I hope that you read "Day 11 of Penny" and realize that the dramatic pronunciation and jazz hands are implied.

Anyway, I do have someplace I like to visit and would live in a heartbeat. Couer D'Alene, Idaho. I'd love to have lake front property there, and a serious fishing boat. We visit there pretty regularly, as it is a favorite of my Padre's also. I like the laid back feel of Idaho, and Couer D'Alene is kind of off beat and fun. Not to mention beautiful. Raym would probably live there too, even though he thinks its actually "Quarter Lane."

I'm pretty happy where I'm at, although I think we will eventually end up in Cache Valley. I love it there too, especially Clarkston and Weston. I've always wanted what I refer to as "A Homestead" somewhere that you actually plan on staying. A few acres to farm and a really neat farm house. I love the Frank Lloyd Wright Craftsman style, and if I could afford to replicate it, that would be what I would have. All hardwood floors, and antique or replica fixtures. I'd love for it to feel like a Norman Rockwell painting when you walked in.

So few homes actually have style anymore. There is a neighborhood in North Logan that does, but I have a feeling I wouldn't want the people who live there as neighbors. They probably wouldn't appreciate our collection of crappy pick-ups anyway.

Day 10 of Penny

This is the first thing that came to mind when the list says "Bullet Your Day." The list of "People To Kill" from Billy Madison. I can hear ELO's "Telephone Line" playing in the background as I write this.

• sometime before I'm ready for it to be morning Raym comes in as says "Bye, I'm off to work"
• (much later) I get out of bed
• let in the cats
• make my bed
• brush my teeth
• vacuum
• day dream about Aston Martins and BMWs
• sweep and mop the kitchen
• day dream about hot rockers
• clean the bathrooms
• day dream about hot rockers who clean bathrooms
• do a couple loads of laundry
• practice the guitar
• day dream about being a hot rocker
• put together lesson plans for music theory
• do the dishes
• day dream about Audis
• eat some lunch
• run errands to the post office, bank, and grocery store
• day dream about a new house
• make cookies and listen to bluegrass
• Raym comes home
• make pancakes and bacon for dinner
• work on more music theory lesson plans
• day dream about hot rockers
• order method books for students
• play with the cats
• kick the cats out because they were fighting (there was actual fur flying)
• take a bath
• day dream about how perfect life would be if I had a disgusting amount of money at my disposal
• personal study time
• read my book time
• sleep
• repeat

As you can see, there is a lot of day dreaming. The quality of work around here suffers for that.

Frustration!

Okay, this is going to be controversial and probably to some offensive today. My topic today has been weighing heavily on me for a couple of years now, and I'm going to address it in a proactive manner. I don't like to beat around the bush, but I will try to remain as unoffensive as possible. The views expressed here are completely my own, I'm not borrowing from anyone else.

What is my frustration? I don't even know what to call it, but it begins and ends with a select group of people living on the Wasatch Front with what appears to be a strong out posts in South Eastern Idaho and South West Wyoming. They are not just Mormons, or BYU fans, but usually they are. It's the women that sat at home with their Cricket making anti-Proposition 8 materials to ship to California. It's BYU fans that pat themselves on the back for kicking star players off their basketball team (they are the only ones who care btw). It's cheerleaders that call the news to let them know that they chose to quit their squad because there were two events scheduled for Sundays this year. It's people who make a big deal about going to the edited versions of R rated movies. Mostly, it's the people who need to be in the spot light for doing things that are not necessarily part of the LDS Religion at all, but oh my, they are making a stand.

It's generally the worst part of any group that gets the spot light, mostly because they are interesting I guess. Nobody cares that there are millions of members of the LDS Church who are not attention craving basket cases. Plenty of us who are doing our best to live our religion in the best way that we as individuals can. There are those among us who struggle with addiction, and mental illness, and all kinds of heavy things; and we are able to work on it without turning it into a circus. The actual Gospel part of our church is a beautiful message, and a wonderful way to choose to live. The pop culture that has popped up around it is a big ugly mess. No wonder outsiders to the our church think we are a raving mad cult.

I personally am not out to convert all my friends through my shining star example--I'm not a shiny example of happiness and piety. I won't be handing out church materials with my cookie trays during Christmas, and I won't be giving disapproving looks to people who make different life choices than I did. What you can expect from me is this: I love the actual message of my church and that is why I participate. I think its just fine that you don't. I keep an eye on people I care about; and if I think you need help, I will serve you in the best way that I can with no strings attached. What I ask of you is this, when you see Crazy Mormons on the street, or on TV, please don't include me in that group. Realize that like any other group, it's the crazies that get the most attention. There are plenty of us out there that aren't letting our BYU freak flag fly (because we don't have one), in fact we are the majority.

Day 8 & 9 of Penny

I don't have anything that I miss particularly. I kinda wish my dad still had his shop and all his hot rods, but someday I'll have my own and they'll be just as fun. Everybody should get to exceed the speed limit by at least double what it legally is at least once in their life. Do I think everyone should drive as fast as they possibly can all the time? No, there just aren't very many people who can drive well at normal speeds. I do wish would would adopt Autobahn Rules for the interstate. I have a whole spiel about this, it would increase revenues generated by out interstate highway system, create more jobs, and make driving much better. I'll save it for another day.

The songs on my Ipod set to shuffle:

1. Your Cheatin Heart, Hank Williams Sr.

2. Bust A Move, Young MC

3. Amazed, My Morning Jacket

4. Polar Opposites, Modest Mouse Cover by Iron Horse (much better than the original)

5. Poprocks & Coke, Green Day

6. Selfish Man, Flogging Molly

7. Creep, Radiohead

8. Metal Now, Say Anything

9. Fashion is Danger, Flight of the Conchords

10. The Kids Aren't Alright, The Offspring

I suppose if there were a unifying theme to this music it could be summed up with a lyric from Polar Opposites "I'm trying, I'm trying, to drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away." I don't drink anymore, so I listen to music and when its good enough it's better than tequila.

Day 7 or Penny

When I was about 14 I picked this bible verse as my mantra. It is still good.

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

Proverbs 4:23

Day 6 of Penny

Someplace I've been...

Well, I don't go places that sound great on paper. I travel a lot, but not around the world. In the last year I've been to Portland, Seattle, Santa Barbara, Boise, and all over Wyoming, Utah and Idaho. I've been to Zion and Yellowstone. I'm not saying it wasn't great fun, I'm just saying that most people don't dream of the places I've been to. Most people don't get to see the things that I do either.

I'm kind of a loner, and that doesn't in any way make me sad. When I go on vacation I like to connect to nature in whatever environment I'm in. I find there is a surprising amount of solitude in large crowds and even though I rode a lot of public transit and was traveling with my family in the Northwest, I quite enjoyed the time to myself.

When I took the picture above of the Pacific Ocean, everyone else was in the car whining because it was cold and boring. All I could think of is how fresh the air is when you are standing on the beach with the breakers rolling in, and even though I was taking a picture of it I would never describe the sherbet color the sky turns to another person accurately.

There are lots of other places I'd like to see, and I probably will. I'm not driven by a need to travel the world, but I do enjoy a good road trip.

Day 5 of Penny

I'm a happy person in general. Sure I'm a little melancholy sometimes, but when you get right down to it I'm happy. I don't require a lot of things or people to make me happy. A sunny day with my favorite horse, the ocean, a bowl of ripe strawberries, just the little stuff. This morning the sun was shining through my living room window and it was enough. Baking bread the other day made me happy enough to last for weeks.

They say that through small and simple things, great works are brought to pass. I think this is how joy works. Small moments of happiness bring about a lifetime of joy, I learned that from my mom's family.

Day 4 of Penny

Music to suit my mood? Mercy Me by Alkaline Trio. Upbeat and melancholy at the same time, who can't help but love it? I don't usually pick a genre and stick to it, but I love it when the lyrics hit you as hard and the music does. Genuine punk usually can.

It's been a long day living with this
It's been a long time since I felt so sick
I took a long walk straight back home
I could've walked back to San Francisco
I used to long for time alone
I used to long for a place of my own
now I'm losing faith in everything
I'm lost, so lost, i'm lost at sea, you'll see

I used to long for broken bones
I used to long for a casket to call my own
I never had a problem facing fear
but I'm done, over and out my dear and

Oh mercy me
God bless catastrophe
There's no way in hell
We'll ever live to see through this so
Drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today
(Yeah!)

It's been a long day living with this
It's been a long time since I felt so sick
I took a long walk straight back home
I could've walked back to Chicago
I used to long for time alone
I used to long for a place of my own
and I've lost faith in everything
I'm lost, so lost, I'm lost without you

Oh mercy me
God bless catastrophe
There's no way in hell
We'll ever live to see through this so
Drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today
(Yeah!)

So drive yourself insane tonight
It's not that far away and I just
filled up your tank earlier today
(Yeah!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FljNILAozts

Day 3 of Penny

Well, I don't have any digital pictures of my parents together. I just don't. Every time I try to take one with my mom in it, it doesn't work out. I have plenty of pictures of my parents that if I had a scanner, they'd be on here. I'll try to describe my favorite one to you.

After dating for nearly three weeks, my parents got married sometime around Labor Day Weekend 1976. They don't exactly remember the date either, so they just celebrate on Labor Day. They eloped, and were married at the Court House in St. George, UT--not really by plan, but they were headed to California and wanted to be at Disneyland in the morning. St. George ended up being a good stopping point I guess.

My favorite picture of them is where they are both sitting in front of the Tea Cup Ride. Dad (who looks an awful lot like Seth) is wearing a big black cowboy hat with a hawk feather in it, aviators, a white t-shirt and a new crisp pair of Levi's. Mom is wearing a cute yellow blouse, Levis, and boots. They look a little tired, but really happy. The colors are a little washed out now, and it was taken with one of those cameras that takes a square format with rounded edges. It's quite a treasure.

In the 30 years I've been on this earth, my family has been dirt poor, highly successful and everything in between. Always, we've stuck together. My folks are exactly what I needed, I can't really even explain that I guess. I love them very much.

Day 2 of Penny

Today I am supposed to regale you with stories of my first love. This girl doesn't kiss and tell, and it only lasted a week or two so, I'll tell you about my first True Love.

My mom was born and raised in Wyoming, and comes from a 5 generation ranching family. My maternal ancestors helped to settle what is known as The Bridger Valley. My Great-Great-Great Grandpa shot my other Great-Great-Great Grandpa on a ditch bank over water shares. My Great Grandma Maxfield used to walk 15 miles just to do her visiting teaching, no matter the weather.

My dad is was born a California Boy and raised in the back country of Utah. From the time he was first old enough to work he hired on at farms and ranches in Sanpete County. He rode Bareback Horses, Saddle Broncs, and the occasional bull. He played Cowboys and Indians with his friends in the mountains near his home, with real horses.

As you can see, the Romance of The West was ingrained in me at an early age. I had my first horse when I was 2, he was a Palomino named Clipper. My first shoes? Red cowboy boots. I went to the National Finals Rodeo for the first time when I was 7. By the time I was in middle school I had traveled all over the west, I've been to every state west of the Mississippi River. The first "real" book I ever read was Lonesome Dove, in 5th grade (yes, I bawled through the last 100 pages). My summers were spent here in Bridger Valley, where I camped out with my grandparents, got to celebrate Pioneer Days, and play in the hayfields with my cousins.

I am still completely enamored with all things "West," although country music tends to make my ears bleed. There are only a handful of real cowboys left, and I am privileged to count some of them among my friends. I still feel small when I stand and look out over the vastness of the Red Desert and the incredible rise of the Mountains beyond it. Baby calves and foals still make my heart happy, and wild places like Yellowstone National Park still take my breath away.