Fear vs. Respect

I don't have a picture to share today, just a thought or two.

I've been dealing with people lately that don't understand the difference between fear and respect, and consequently receive neither from me.  We all know someone like this, that thinks they rule with an iron fist.  That their word is law, and we all realize that and humble ourselves before them.  People who think they are ruling through fear are often suffering from delusions of grandeur too.

Short of being an evil dictator, i.e., Kim Jong Il, people are just humoring you so they don't have to deal with you.  You're a blow hard windbag, your ideas are maniacal, and people are done fighting with you because it's like running on a hamster wheel.  Or, as my friend Jan says, you can't fix stupid.  Unfortunately, most of us have one or more of these in our lives that we can't get away from.  Usually, they are a family member.  Usually, they think they are acting for the good of the group and sadly most people let them.

My best defense in the past few years has always been to walk away, I don't like to allow that kind of contention and drama into my life anymore.  However, I believe I've reached a point where the buck stops with me.  It's going to be hard, I've abandoned a lot of my nastier ways of fighting.  Gone are the days of singling people out and then turning the group against them.  No more belittling my opponent until they break.  Those are the tactics of some one who demands fear.  I've been there, it's lonely and ugly.

Instead, I have to try to communicate.  I have to let time and truth work on my side; I don't have to sugar coat it, but I can't bludgeon people with it either.  I have to treat people who don't deserve it with kindness because angry words are no longer heard.  Which also means I can't scream obscenities at them until they go away.

However, the things I'm fighting for are worth it.  I've learned that you can't let one or two people ruin a whole family.  It can take many generations before it ever gets fixed, and if you don't work on it at all, it snowballs into a dysfunctional mess that can't be repaired.  I believe it's on the brink of major disaster, communication has shut down.  Everybody has resorted to screaming or crying.  Pettiness and outright rudeness rule the day and I'm removed from the situation just enough to be helpful.  I have only a small stake in the outcome and nothing to gain but self respect.  Am I trying to compensate for all the nastiness I have been a part of during my lifetime?  Probably.   Do I have to try?  Yes.

Perception is 9/10ths of the Problem

It's the beginning of photography season for me this year.  I usually take the winter off because it's too cold for most people to want their pictures done outside, and everybody looks sallow and washed out.  It's debatable as to whether spring has officially started in Wyoming, but the grass is greening up so I'm going it with.

I was asked to do a series of shoots for a stylist friend of mine who is building up her portfolio.  It has been a blast.  Mostly because when you have a professional on location, touching up make-up and making sure hair is perfect there is a lot less editing to do after the fact.  It also got me thinking a lot about how we perceive ourselves.

Megan

These are not professional models, they are actually just girls from my neighborhood.

Ali

In fact, some of them I go to church with.

Ashley

It's amazing what a little hair and make-up can do.

Lyndsey

Not to mention natural light.  It's my favorite way to shoot.  Natural light doesn't lie.  Which brings me to my point.

The pictures above are my rendition of Megan, Ali, Ashely, and Lyndsey; and maybe not the way they see themselves.  My favorite portraits are usually taken after I've told someone to relax, that I've gotten what I wanted.  Shooting with a DSLR helps, because you usually can't hear my shutter, and I use static lighting rather than blasting people with flash.  I feel like I get more honest shots this way.  Maybe it's my way of sticking it to the people who dreamed up the "glamor shot." Other than a little blemish removal or adjusting white balance, I avoid Photo Shop retouching.  I want people to see themselves the way I see them, with a little bit of what is on the inside showing through.  That is why I think of myself as The Invisible Woman when I'm shooting, I try very hard not to leave my mark in the pictures.

Day 30: The END of Penny for real

I've got a lot of pictures together for this, along with a song from my favorite genre of music.  It's a pretty cool slide show if I could ever get it all put together.  However, it's not happening until I get somewhere where I can get the right power cord from my inherited scanner.  So, rather that sit around and wait for it any longer, I'll just cut to the chase and reveal the rest later.

I don't know that I learned a whole lot about myself that I didn't already have a handle on before.  I do like to share, but there are a lot of things that I don't.  Not because you can't handle it, not because I can't, but because there are some things that you just keep to yourself.  There are a lot of intangibles in everyone's life, and the older I get the more I understand how these play into our relationships.  We are all covering things and protecting ourselves from others, and that's not a bad thing as long as you're not lying.  Spilling your beans to every person in your contact list is not a good idea.

This is the reason I never got a tattoo.  Things that I care enough about to actually to commit to for a life time are too sacred to share with the general public, and don't belong on my lower back either.  It's got nothing to do with whether or not it's cool, or morally okay, it has a lot more to do with what I'm willing to reveal about myself.  I don't have a very good poker face either, so I try to stay under the radar and never miss an opportunity to keep my mouth shut.  It's the only way I can keep friends and maintain my sanity.

So, with that jumbled mess of thoughts, I'm going to end this bit.  I hope you liked it, I hope I didn't offend anyone that didn't have it coming.  I've got a lot going on right now, and as I figure it out I'll share.  This blog was always meant to be more of a Behind the Music kind of thing for my photography, and now that season is picking up for me again.  I've got a great shoot coming up this weekend, so look forward to some funner, lighter stuff next week sometime.