Fear vs. Respect

I don't have a picture to share today, just a thought or two.

I've been dealing with people lately that don't understand the difference between fear and respect, and consequently receive neither from me.  We all know someone like this, that thinks they rule with an iron fist.  That their word is law, and we all realize that and humble ourselves before them.  People who think they are ruling through fear are often suffering from delusions of grandeur too.

Short of being an evil dictator, i.e., Kim Jong Il, people are just humoring you so they don't have to deal with you.  You're a blow hard windbag, your ideas are maniacal, and people are done fighting with you because it's like running on a hamster wheel.  Or, as my friend Jan says, you can't fix stupid.  Unfortunately, most of us have one or more of these in our lives that we can't get away from.  Usually, they are a family member.  Usually, they think they are acting for the good of the group and sadly most people let them.

My best defense in the past few years has always been to walk away, I don't like to allow that kind of contention and drama into my life anymore.  However, I believe I've reached a point where the buck stops with me.  It's going to be hard, I've abandoned a lot of my nastier ways of fighting.  Gone are the days of singling people out and then turning the group against them.  No more belittling my opponent until they break.  Those are the tactics of some one who demands fear.  I've been there, it's lonely and ugly.

Instead, I have to try to communicate.  I have to let time and truth work on my side; I don't have to sugar coat it, but I can't bludgeon people with it either.  I have to treat people who don't deserve it with kindness because angry words are no longer heard.  Which also means I can't scream obscenities at them until they go away.

However, the things I'm fighting for are worth it.  I've learned that you can't let one or two people ruin a whole family.  It can take many generations before it ever gets fixed, and if you don't work on it at all, it snowballs into a dysfunctional mess that can't be repaired.  I believe it's on the brink of major disaster, communication has shut down.  Everybody has resorted to screaming or crying.  Pettiness and outright rudeness rule the day and I'm removed from the situation just enough to be helpful.  I have only a small stake in the outcome and nothing to gain but self respect.  Am I trying to compensate for all the nastiness I have been a part of during my lifetime?  Probably.   Do I have to try?  Yes.