It Really Is Goodbye

I just started using Google+ today.  LOVE IT.  For many reasons, but mostly because I think it combines everything I like about facebook, twitter, and blogspot.  It puts everything together, I can post everything that I would spread out over these three sites in one place and still only have the people who want/need to read it see it.  It's not a shotgun approach like facebook.  Any of you who are my friends there know my policy on vaguebooking and/or being too specific, which really limits what you can share.  I've always thought that facebook and twitter were a shotgun approach to social networking. Throw a lot of information out there and hope it hits something.  Google+ lets me catch up with my awesome cousins in a more personal way without everyone who ever went to school with or goes to my church reading it.  So this is the last of my blog.  If you want an invitation to Google+ let me know, I'll be glad to get you going.  I look forward to having a "hang out" with you soon.  Don't know what a hang out is?  http://edition.englishclub.com/esl-magazine/google-plus/

Random Catness

I really try to keep my inner cat lady under wraps.  Occasionally, I just have to talk about my stupid cats.  Malcom, that's the pretty boy on the top, is a lovable pain in the ass.  Radnar, the orange kitty on the bottom, is the best cat I've ever had.  They keep me from climbing the water tower and starting a genocide.

Malcom (AKA Mal, Mally, Malfs, Maliburton, Malibu, Mowler, Malfurs, Murderface Murderface Murderface, and more recently Malfeasance) has decided he knows how to use a keyboard.  He'll climb on my lap while I'm editing in Photo Shop and then pushes buttons.  I don't always know how to fix the things he's done, so I end up starting over.  Then he pats my face with his paws while mewing and purring at me while a swear at him in six different languages.  That's one of my hidden talents, I can swear in English, French, Spanish, Cantonese, Japanese, and Gaelic.  In fact Malcom just started chewing on my camera's USB cable and I told him diu lei lo mo.  You don't want to know what it means.  It really doesn't help, the only thing that does is cuddling him up into a little kitten ball and telling him how pretty he is until he falls asleep or leaves.  He weighs 14 lbs., this is no small feat.  I mostly swear at him in Cantonese though because I think he might be Asian.  He really wants to give everyone he meets a full mani-pedi and facial with his sandpaper tongue.

Radnar (AKA Fatty Raddy, Agent Orange, Orange Surprise, Toilet Kitten, Drinker of The Forbidden Waters, Scabby Tabby, Mellow Yellow, Stinkerton Von Schmeltz, Vesuvius Dangerkitten, but mostly Rads) is easy going and pretty hilarious.  You may wonder why so many of his nicknames are just a little disgusting, well, he's a little disgusting.  You may have gathered that he likes to drink from the toilet, not just any toilet though, the guest bathroom toilet.  I catch him all the time since he learned how to open the door himself.  He just stares at you with his cat arm hanging over the bowl like "Why ya gotta be a playa hata?" when you try to shoo him out.  Then when you are in there doing your thing he tries to stick his paws under the door and talks to you in a series of howls and chirps.  Indeed.

His other famous move is to snuggle up on your lap and go to sleep (also a 14lb. cat), which isn't so bad until your legs fall asleep or he pulls his other amazing stunt.  He is the only cat I know that farts out loud.  Hence, Stinkerton Von Schmeltz.  Not cool Raddy, old boy.  Scabby Tabby is a little less obvious, mostly because you can't see his tail in this picture.  He got it caught in something and broke it, half of it is now dead.  The vet says to be patient, eventually it will fall off.  Now there's something to get excited about.  Even though he's kinda gross, he's my little buddy.  Rads loves hanging out with you, and unlike Malcom he doesn't get all up in your business.  When I'm having a rough day Rads will perch up on my computer desk and do his version of cat stand-up until I laugh.  I don't get the jokes, be he really sells it.  So that's what is going on behind the scenes when I do a photo shoot for you or your family.  A lot of what my mom calls "Cat Badness" or "Random Catness."

Parenthood and Me

I always thought that by the time I was 30 I'd have a house full of kids and pets.  I'll be 31 next month and I have neither.  I'm not looking for sympathy or advice, I'm happy in my life.  Raym and I are still trying to have kids, and we still consider adoption.  I've been playing this game for almost 9 years now, and I got done crying about it 7 years ago.  What will be will be.  I'm not a kid hater though, and some people seem to think that Raym and I aren't having kids for selfish reasons.  Feel free to judge, I'm not going to suddenly start caring about your opinion.

I do have concerns about raising children though.  I am confident in my ability to be a good mother, but I wonder about the world I'd be bringing them into.  I see toddlers on leashes, 4th graders in booster seats, and wonder to myself about the lack of boundaries and consequences.  I supervise the nursery for children 18 mos. to 3 years at my church.  A surprising amount of them live their lives with no boundaries and no idea at all what NO means.  No is one of the first words you learn to speak, it should be one of the first words you understand.

I'm not talking about spanking your kids everyday before bed whether they need it or not, but if you are going to put your little snot on a leash don't judge me when I choose to swat my little brat's diaper padded butt in public.  I'm not above public embarrassment as punishment either, sometimes the only way you are going to learn to stop being a little jerk is to get your ass chewed in front of your peers or people you look up to.  BTW, it's not okay to be a little jerk.  Manners are important, such as not interrupting people when they are speaking, not wiping your booger/food crusted face all over their shirt while they are eating, not tearing apart the furniture, and hitting/kicking/biting anyone.  Most of all, it's about teaching this stuff at home through repetition and kindness so when I release my little hellions into the world we never have to go "there."  I have Zero respect for parents who are always yelling and swearing at their kids too, it's just as bad as the kid leash freak parade.

I totally anticipate a lot of work/heartache to have good kids that are happy being who they are and understand how to interact with other people.  I'll continue to be highly unpopular with the "cool parents" and sometimes I'll fail, but I'm not going to give up and I'm not going to abandon the all of the Old Ways.  Eating canned spinach is, in fact, a form of torture.  Learning to be a good citizen is not. Riding shotgun in your dad's work truck is a privilege, not child endangerment.  You probably shouldn't stand up though because you'll bounce your head off the dash when he hits the breaks--something you only learn by doing (consider it your first lesson in physics).

It's not all a rant at society either.  I look forward to teaching my little girls how to fish for Brookies, saddle their own horse, shoot a rifle, can fruit, tie a quilt, and make No Bake Cookies.  I can't wait to take my kids out to learn to drive in our old pick up.  Most of all I can't wait to share my parents with them.  Now, if I just had some kids...

These Are The Things I Will Fight For...

These are just some random pictures from my collection, but they do remind me why I like to take pictures.

Freedom isn't free, and I'm not talking about whether or not I support our troops or the unjust wars we are fighting in the Middle East.  I'm talking about personal freedom.  So many of us accept various forms of slavery without thinking twice.  I got to thinking about this yesterday when everyone was complaining about "Mondays" on facebook.  I realize that most people are just trying to make conversation--see my entry from last week about poor communication.  In my head if you whine every time you get ready for work, then there is something seriously wrong.  Either you are a perpetual whiner and have no place in polite society, or your job is a soul sucking chore from hell.  Work, by it's very nature is generally hard; but if you honestly hate it and your heart is not in it, going to it everyday that makes you no better than a prostitute.

I love the bible verses from Matthew 5:14-16 "Ye are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.  Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."  Even if you are not a Christian, you can agree with this sentiment.  If you've got something good to give, and you don't share it, you've committed quite a crime indeed.  Enter the sticky part of this situation: 

I have a crappy job, so I can't share my love of ________ with my friends and neighbors.  I have to go to my job because somebody has to pay the bills.  ________ won't pay the bills, and no one else will either.  My life sucks and it's all because I've got these responsibilities. 

WRONG

I have no patience for victims and whiners.  My pity well ran dry years ago.  I have no tolerance for people who believe that they cannot do better.  We all have something valid and valuable to contribute to this world, and in your heart of hearts you know without a doubt what it is--stop telling it to shut up.  Not sharing it is selfish and greedy.  Maybe you are the best drywaller this world has ever seen, to not make walls for a living is a crime my friend.  Maybe you understand the sanitation business better than anyone else, to spend your days doing anything else is a waste (pun intended).  We are not all Doctors and Scientists, but we all have something we were born to be good at.  Someday, you will have to answer for not using your talents and time wisely. 

"But Richens I gots the bills to pay, and this guy will pay me the monies if I just show up everyday and not bitch to loudly..."  May I present to you the slavery of debt?  Maybe it's debt you had no choice but to take on at the time (I've got some myself), or maybe it's a bunch of crap you bought to look cool (I used to have some of that too).  Either way you've got these "bills" to pay.  Powerful people are not allowed to purchase other human beings outright anymore, there's laws against it.  However, they can loan you money, and once they do that, they do essentially own you.  I'm not talking to you about your jerk of a boss, he doesn't own you neither does your banker.  The guy who gave you the loan to buy your tricked out Pinto Wagon does.  Capital One owns you every time you use their card to buy a tasty pair of shoes.  GMAC owns you until you pay your house off.  Avoid debt, and avoid bondage my friend.  Then you don't get trapped at a job you hate with a pig-beast of a boss, just so you can service your bills.

You're already there, I know.  I have been too.  Sometimes, yes, you have to gut it out at a mediocre/terrible job to make ends meet.  Don't let it become a lifestyle.  This brings us back to Freedom isn't free.  Get your house in order, release yourself from the bondage of debt, make the sacrifices necessary to pursue your life's work (do what you love and the money will come).  Most of all have a plan and don't be a whiner.  Nobody likes the guy who has spent his entire useful life working at something he hates until he has become a bitter nasty old man with nothing to show for it.  Certainly nobody wants to be that guy.  Angry young men are sexy, but nobody likes a bitter old bastard.

Much Too Much

I don't have a picture today, but I have a lot on my mind.

I find myself right on the edge of insanity lately.  I'm as busy as I want to be, but not so busy I'm feeling pressure from that.  I love teaching guitar lessons and taking pictures for people.  That's working pretty good.  What is really eating at me is a little hard to define, but I'll take a stab at it because I think it is on a lot of other people's minds too.

I'm having a lot of trouble communicating with people anymore.  Almost like everyone else is shooting bullets and I'm throwing them.  Not in that I can't write a coherent sentence, or call/text someone on the phone, visit with my friends/family, send an email, update my facebook status, or make an entry in my blog, but more in the sense that I don't feel like I'm connecting at all.  People acknowledge that I'm speaking, but I don't think they hear what I am saying.  By the same token, people are talking at me all day, and I can't tell if I'm supposed to take the stuff coming out of their mouths seriously.

I don't think it's because our "smart phones are making us dumber," or that social networking has made us lonely and isolated.  You don't get to blame things on your parents or the public school system (aka, the donkey corral) either.  I'm sure some of you have heard me say that when everyone else is the problem, the problem is most likely you.  This is where I am at.  I've decided the problem must be me.

I do try to make a conscious effort to really listen when people are talking to me (at least I think I do).  I try not to judge what people are saying, but all I have to understand it with are my own experiences.  I try not to fix their problems either--that's a good way to lose friends and create enemies.  When I speak I try to be direct without being hurtful, and I'm working on keeping my mouth shut.  It's a process.

However, I'm inclined to think that this problem isn't all me.  I can't take all of the responsibility for everyone else's poor communication skills, lack of self esteem and emotional immaturity.  I can't fix it either and it's starting to wear on me.  I like solutions, even if they are hard, time consuming and costly.  So far, I haven't found an acceptable fix for this that doesn't involve cake uranium.

The main reason it gets to me is that I can't run away from it.  I try to play my guitar to relieve the pressure, but it just gets faster and angrier until my fingers bleed.  I try to take abstract or nature pictures, but I lack focus and all of this negative energy will not create anything satisfactory.  I write, and by the time I'm done with this particular piece I will be wound so tight that sleeping pills and pain killers are only going to take a little of the edge off.  I find some solace in my religion, but people are the problem and going to church tends exacerbate my frustration.  I love music, but it doesn't help, it only confirms my worst fears.  Exercise is something I do so I won't get any fatter, period--I don't get a high from doing it.  Anti-depressants haven't worked either, so don't suggest it, and rose colored glasses (hiding it under a rug) give me headaches.  Also, I don't drink anymore, I've never done illicit drugs, or ones I didn't have a prescription for (though I'm starting to see their appeal), and I don't sleep around.

So where does this leave me?  Hell if I know.  Am I a hateful embittered mess?  No, I love individual people and I like helping them; I actually do have the option to be a recluse and not interact with anyone and I've chosen not to.  I guess sometimes you just get tired of fighting the good fight, and maybe that's where I'm at now.  I'm tired and I'm losing it.  Will I get a second wind?  Probably.  Should I get to have online rants about it, yeah, I think we all have that right otherwise the interweb really would just be a large conduit for porn.

What I'm Doing For Summer Vacation

Most adults who aren't teachers don't get Summer Vacation.  I do, in a sense, I guess, even though summer is the busiest time of year for me.  I've got photo shoots almost daily right now, and since I started doing weddings that keeps me doubly busy.  I've let my blogs go, and honestly I don't feel too bad about it.  They are mostly for me anyway.  I was in the middle of a list before I took a break.  My heart wasn't in it, and the list was pretty redundant so I'm abandoning it.

Summers are unbelievably short in the BV.  This one didn't really start until the last week of June.  My spidey senses tell me that we will have an early fall too, I'm guessing it will be full on fall by the first or second week of September.  Which means I will have roughly 2 months of actual summer.  I'm making the most of it by taking lots of pictures--most of them are for clients, so I don't post them publicly.

I have been experimenting with my camera, which is loads of fun.  I did a bokeh project, and tonight I think I'll try painting with light.  It's a little too overcast for star shots right now, but I've got some of those planned in the near future.  For those of you just getting into photography, this is a great website:  http://www.diyphotography.net/  It focuses on using what you've got at hand rather than elaborate photoshop tutorials.  Photoshop is a valuable tool no doubt, but if you don't know how to use light and your camera no amount of digital editing can make up for that.  For example:

There are no photoshop effects in this picture.  These pansies are really those colors :)  The stars in the background (you have to click on the image to see them) come from a bokeh filter I made myself and a regular lawn sprinkler.  I did crop this picture, and remove a fly from the background, that is it.

I've been asked several times by people just starting out what camera to get.  I say if you are not already a pro, get yourself a Canon Rebel (they have one to suit any budget), and the best lens you can afford.  The EFS 50mm II is a great starter lens, and you can pick one up for around $100.  If you've been shooting for a while and you want to know what camera will knock your socks off, get a Canon 5D Mark II.  If you are currently using $10 bills to wipe your butt with, get a Hasselblad.  Next, take lots and lots of pictures.

Sometimes it helps to have a photography buddy.  I'm always up for a safari :)

Drift Off To Dream...

Don't get me wrong, I love Tool.  They can be very meditative and deep, when they aren't singing songs about STDs.  They are an amazing band and some of their songs are perfect to fall asleep to.  Last year, when I was on a lot of opiate pain killers, Parabola rocked my world.  Now I settle for a little aromatherapy mix of Lavender, Clary Sage, and Frankincense to go with my Tool fix.  The dreams are still incredible, but you don't feel like you are going to be eaten by your own eyeballs and you don't wake up in a hot sweat with cottonmouth.